Trouble
by trebleclef123
Summary: Tegan Quin struggles with the everyday hassles of life. What happens when she can't handle it anymore? Tegan and Sara.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello readers! This is my first fic, so sorry if it's a hack job. I don't think I have the creativity to continue, so anyone, feel free to continue for me please! Just PM me!**

Tegan Quin was always a little off. She always had problems with her daily life, whether it was with her band, or her love life. All those problems started to pile up. Tegan couldn't keep a girlfriend. There was nothing wrong with her, she just got dumped because she was always busy touring with her sister, Sara. Her twin. Tegan was in love with her. She's been for years. On the other hand, Sara was with Emy. Since Emy worked with Tegan and Sara, she got to tour with them, eliminating the problem with distance that Tegan had. Tegan kept this secret to herself, never telling anyone in fear of losing her sister, and her band. Speaking of her band, a bunch of interviews and a tour was coming up in a week or so, which made Tegan uneasy, and nervous.

Tegan layed on her couch, pondering on the thought of the upcoming tour, her phone vibrated. It was her girlfriend, Theresa, whom she'd only been in a relationship a few months.

"Tegan, I really hate doing this over a stupid text, because I know you deserve so much more, but I need to do this before I lose the courage. I think we should go our separate ways. I think you've already have, because you're so distant with me and I need more. I know something is wrong and I know I'm not the one to fix it. I hope you do find that person who will. Take care, Tegan."

Although Theresa was just a distraction to get her mind off of Sara, Tegan couldn't help but burst out in loud angry sobs. She picked herself up from the couch and dragged her way to the kitchen, where she opened her cabinet to grab an orange bottle that held contents in which would numb Tegans sorrows. She popped 3 Vicodin in her mouth, and swallowed them with a glass of Jack Daniels she was drinking before. After ten minutes of staring into her drink, anger and sadness took over her body and she slammed her drink into the ground, shattering into a million tiny pieces. Tegan reached into her cupboard and grabbed cup after cup and plate after plate and threw them onto the floor, taking comfort in watching the glass ricochet of the various appliances in the kitchen. When there were no more objects to throw, Tegan sunk down, in the fetal position, letting her sobs silently ripple through her body.

Meanwhile, Sara flew to Vancouver for a surprise visit to Tegan, because she hadn't been in contact with her twin and since it was only a week till their tour. Sara knocked on her door, excited to see her sister. As soon as Tegan heard the knock she picked herself up off of the floor, brushed off the glass from her clothes, cutting her hands from the glass, and wiped the tears from her eyes. "just a minute!" Tegan yelled, worrying about the cuts that were pouring out blood. She was hoping it was only a solicitor or something. She needed to tend to her cuts.

As Tegan opened the door, to see her sister Sara standing there with luggage, her heart dropped to her stomach so fast she began to get dizzy.

"…Tegan? Are you okay?" Says Sara, who noticed her sisters red rimmed eyes.

"Y-yeah, I'm just surprised. Uhm, what are you doing here?"

"I came to surprise you! Are you sure you're fine? You look like you were just throwing up or something…" Said Sara.

"I wasn't throwing up. I'm fine" Tegan said in a monotone voice.

"Well can I come in? Or am I going to have to sleep out here for the next week"

"Sara, I- I, my apartments a mess, I'm not prepared or anything…." Tegan says, shaky and unsure of her words.

Sara rolled her eyes and pushed past Tegan, entering her twins messy apartment. As she set her bags down, she noticed half of a broken cup that made its way from the kitchen. Sara looked around, to the kitchen, where she saw the mess of Tegans outburst that happened less than an hour prior.

"What the hell! Tee…" There was so much glass. It was everywhere. Sara walked to the edge of the kitchen, stepping on some. She spun around to Tegan, who was cupping her face with her bloody hands, holding back muffled sobs.

"Oh my God, Tegan!" Sara said with tears in her eyes as she rushed to her twin. Tegan collapsed into Sara's arms not shy of letting her emotions show.


	2. Chapter 2

Sara POV

Tegan only had been crying for 5 minutes when she passed out. Sara wasn't assuming she was sleeping, she assumed it was from the blood, and had something to do with the alcohol she smelt on her sister. Sara got up, and dragged her unconscious sister to lean against the wall and went to the kitchen to find a rag for the blood. Throughout all the glass, Sara noticed a bottle of vicodin laying on the floor, which added on to her panic. Sara pulled out her phone and called 9-11. After that, she called her mum.

"Hey Sara! Haven't heard from you in a while, what's up?"

"Mum, I- uh somethings happened to Tegan, I've called an ambulance and I need you to get down to the hospital right now, please, don't ask questions just go!" Sara tried her best to spit out words that were choked over her tears.

Sara went back to Tegan; she was searching her hands to find the source of the bleeding and put pressure on the cut. It was deep, and most likely needed stitches. As she blotted the blood, she heard the sirens of the ambulance wail from outside the apartment. When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics layed Tegan up to the stretcher and sent her, and Sara in the ambulance going to the hospital. Sara showed the paramedics the vicodin, and told them she had been drinking.

When they arrived to the hospital, Tegan was sent off with the doctors. Sara frantically searched for her mother, who ran up to Sara and pulled her into a hug.

"My God, Sara what the hell happened!" Sonia said upon seeing Tegans unconscious and bloody body being pushed away in the stretcher.

"I don't know, I flew in to surprise Tegan at her apartment. When I went inside her kitchen was a mess full of broken glass. The next thing I knew Tegan was on the floor. I know she was drinking, and I saw a bottle of vicodin, she may have taken some."

"Did she say anything to you at all?"

"Well, I asked her if she'd been throwing up, because she didn't look well. She didn't want me to come inside but I went in anyway, I didn't even notice she was bleeding. I just pushed passed her. I need –I need to know I-If she's going to be- to be okay" Sara tried to control her emotions, but she couldn't.

"Shhh shhh Sara it'll be okay, I'm sure she'll be fine, let's not think of the worst case scenarios. She'll be okay." Sonia too, was crying, but she quickly re-adjusted herself to suck it up. Her daughter needed her to be strong.

It had been a few hours until the doctor came and told them what was going on. He told them that her stomach had to be pumped, and there was only one cut that needed stitches, the rest were only minor. He allowed them to wait in her hospital room, instead of the waiting room, although she would be unconscious for a while.

Tegan POV

Beep beep beep beep. _What hell is that annoying noise? Where the hell am I? Fuck I can't move My stomach is killing me. I can't I move. Why can't I talk? SAY SOMETHING TEGAN. OPEN YOUR EYES. DO SOMETHING._ Tegan tried sputtering out words, but she couldn't. She couldn't do anything. She began to hyperventilate, which caused the monitors to go out of control and an alarm sound to beep loudly.


	3. Chapter 3

Sara POV

_C'mon Tee, wake up. Wake up wake up wake up. _I've been waiting hours for Tegan to wake up. I know my pacing back and forth isn't helping to calm my mother down, but I don't know what to do. I'm tired of waiting. I've been ignoring all of Emy's calls. I can't talk to her right now, not until I know Tegan is okay. My phone vibrates again for the 10th time in an hour, Its Emy. I give in and answer.

"Hey Em"

"Sara! Why haven't you been answering me? I've tried calling you AND Tegan for the past hour. I'll be in Vancouver in a few hours. Where the hell are you?"

"Emy I'm at the hospital, something happened with Tegan and-"

Just then, a bunch of beeps and alarms go off on Tegans monitors.

"Emy I gotta go!"

"Wait Sara!" I hung up on her before she could finish.

I rushed to Tegan, her chest was moving frantically up and down, and she was wheezing loudly.

"Mum what's going on! Get a nurse!"

Sonia rushed out of the hall yelling for help

"HELP! WE NEED A NURSE, PLEASE COME QUICK!"

"Tegan, can you hear me? You need to calm down. Tegan!" I said, looking for any kind of response

Her eyes shot open but her wheezing got worse. A nurse ran in and put an oxygen mask over Tegan's mouth. We shared eye contact while her breathing turned to normal, and Mum held her hand for comfort. When the nurse thought she was okay, she removed the mask.

"You okay mam?"

Tegan nodded in agreement "I'm okay"

Her voice sounded shaky and weak, but that didn't stop my mum from practically jumping onto Tegan giving her a big hug.

"My Goodness! You're okay! I was so worried!"

Tegans eyes got big, she looked overwhelmed.

"Mum calm down, give her some space" I pulled her off of Tegan

"Well I'm sorry, I'm just so glad she's up! What the hell did you do Tegan?"

Tegan POV

"…What the hell did you do Tegan?"

I brought my hands up to rub my eyes when I noticed there were bandages on them.

"…what?" _what the fuck is going on. Too many things going on at once._

"Why did you do this to yourself?" Sonia asked

"Do what?" _what the hell did I do?_

"Mum! She just woke up! I'm sure she's asking herself the same questions"

I gave Sara a 'thank you' look. I noticed she has dark circles under her eyes. She looks so tired. _God, I'm such a bitch, look what I'm doing to her. _Memories of last night started to rush into my brain. The last thing I remember was the look on Sara's face before I collapsed. She was terrified. My heart started beating faster. I noticed this when the heart monitors beeping quickened.

"Tegan calm down, Mum, why don't you go call dad or something?" Sara gave mum a stern look

"Okay, I'll be back" she kissed my forehead before leaving out the door.

The second she left Sara looked at me. I could tell there were a million questions she was dying to ask.

"Tee…what's going on with you? I haven't talked to you in months. Why have you been so distant?"

"I don't-I don't know Sara"

"Come on Tegan, this doesn't just randomly happen."

Tears started falling from my eyes, I didn't know what to say.

"I can't tell you. I can't tell you how I feel. It's impossible"

Sara's eyes started to water and she pulled me into a hug

"Tegan, I know everything's going to be okay. We can get through this"

_Not true_

"No Sara. Even when everything's okay it's not."


	4. Chapter 4

Sara POV

We've been at the hospital since 3 o'clock in the morning. It was now 11 pm, and Tegan and mum fell asleep. As tired as I was, I couldn't sleep. I don't know how mum could sleep sitting up in a chair. My mind was in so many different places, so I decided to take a walk. I was thinking of everything that happened today when I remembered I needed to call Emy back. She was probably freaking out.

"Sara! Finally! What took you so long to call me back? I just drove in. is everything okay? What happened?"

"Everything's okay right now. Tegan sort of broke down and ended up hurting herself real bad. But listen, I need you to do me a favour."

"Sure, what is it?"

"I need you to pick me up, and take me back to Tegan's apartment and help me clean up the mess before she comes home."

"Right now?"

"Yeah, is that okay?"

"That's fine. I'm on my way. I'll be there in 15."

Emy picked me up just a few minutes later. On the way to Tegans house, Emy asked a bunch of questions about what had happened. She said she had heard a few details of the incident from Ted, who found out from Mum. I knew Mum would tell everyone.

When we got to the apartment, Emy wasn't expecting this much of a mess.

"Holy shit! This is so much worse than you described it to be! How are we supposed to clean this mess up without hurting ourselves?"

"I think there's some gloves underneath the kitchen sink, along with some trash bags. I'll get them."

After I got the gloves and trash bags, Emy and I started to clean up. We were leaving for the tour in only four days, and I wondered if Tegan would be okay by then. If she'd be able to play the guitar with her stitches, and what would we tell the fans? I had no clue. I spent so much time answering everyone else's questions; I didn't even have time to think about my own.

Tegan POV

That morning, I left the hospital. I came home to a clean apartment, but Sara and Emy were constantly watching me. I felt like a baby. My Mum was calling me every hour to see how I was doing, I know they're just trying to keep me safe but it annoys me to not be able to cry wherever or whenever I want. I enjoy crying; it gives me a relief, and keeps me sane. I'm on a bunch of medication; some low dose pain pills, I'm banned from taking Vicodin (I understand why,) Sleeping pills, and then some more for depression. Sara's in charge of monitoring my pills, and hides them in case I "have an episode" and take too many. Like I said; I feel so much like a baby.

We've been on tour for a week now, and have already played 5 shows. After tonight's show, we all decided to go to a bar just a few blocks away from the venue. I was now sitting on a barstool talking with the bartender; I had already had a shot of Tequila and was just about finished with my bottle of beer. I asked the bartender for another beer when Sara came up out of no where

"Cancel that order please."

"Sara, what the fuck?" _buzz kill_

"You shouldn't even be drinking with all the medication you take, and yet you're already drunk."

" I'm not fucking drunk. You're not my damn mother, JUST FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY!" I admit I didn't need to scream that last part. I'm just sick of her constantly being around me when all I need is space from her. She's practically the reason I'm like this.

"NO, FUCK YOU TEGAN. I'M JUST TRYING TO SAVE YOUR ASS. YOU FUCKING PSYCHOPATH."

Sara stormed away with steam shooting out her ears. I got up and left the bar, looking for where the bus parked. I can't even think straight. I was feeling so many emotions, and that shot of Tequila was only intensifying them, making it worse. All I want to do is sleep, so when I got back to the bus, that's what I did.

Sara POV

_Fuck her. All she ever does is cause problems. She's going to fuck herself up even more with how she's been acting. Why do I even care? I shouldn't. I know that the accident could be why I've been so caring, but I know there's something more to it. I just don't know what. Where is she now? Damn you, Tegan._

I found Emy sitting in a booth with Shaun. They were deep into conversation, laughing and smiling. I discreetly slid into the booth, trying not to interrupt their conversation. I was swigging on what was my 3rd beer that night. At around 1 AM, the rest of the crew and I went back to the bus to settle in for the night.


	5. Chapter 5

Tegan POV

_I feel everything. The weight of the water as it pushes me deeper and deeper into my ending. Sara is watching me, as I struggle to push myself up into safety. Why isn't she saving me? She does nothing. I try to call out to her, but my lungs fill with the black water, the ice frostbiting over my entire body. Sara starts to swim away. I feel my bones tightening, twisting and weighing down on me. I watch as Sara leaves me. My legs flailing everywhere, trying to swim up. My body doing everything to create a chance of survival, but I sink deeper and dee-_

"…Tegan! Tegan!"

I shoot up, sucking in a gust of air._ Air!_ I wake up to see Emy, with a terrified look on her face.

"Tegan you okay?"

_It was just a dream. Thank god._

"I'm okay. It was just a dream"

Just then, Johnny popped his head out of his bunk.

"Is everything alright?"

"Teg-" I cut Emy off, interrupting what she was going to say

"Everything's alright, go back to sleep"

Johnny shrugged and poked his head back into his bunk.

"Emy, I'm okay, it was just a dream. Go back to sleep"

Emy looked at me like I was insane.

"Tegan that wasn't just a dream, you were screaming and choking…"

"Everyone has nightmares, I'll be okay. Just go back to sleep."

After Emy went back to her bunk, I wasn't planning on going back to sleep. I didn't want to risk having another nightmare and waking up someone else, specifically Sara. I can't believe she called me a psychopath; after all I've been through. I thought she'd understand that I needed space, since she always wants it too. That's why she moved to Montreal, right? I stayed up the rest of the night pissed off at Sara. The dream I had only made it worse. She didn't even try and help me! I know the dream didn't really happen, but I still had a little grudge and was upset by it. It just felt so real…

Sara POV

I couldn't sleep, I felt too nauseous. I listened to the rustling coming from Tegan's bunk, it sounded like she was having a nightmare. After a while, I heard her screaming into her pillow, followed by loud choking noises. I was about to get up and wake her up to see if she was okay when I heard Emy. She was calling out Tegan's name. After the 5th try I heard Tegan gasping, that's when I knew she was awake. I'm surprised the whole bus wasn't awake, only Johnny had woken up, but went right back to sleep. After I heard Emy go back to her bunk, I finally fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Sara POV

When I woke up, it was bright, and the sun was shining in my bunk. My eyes weren't prepared for so much light, and my hangover only made it worse. I flew out of my bunk and dashed to the bathroom, nearly knocking over Ted, to empty out the contents of my stomach.

After I was finished, of course I got asked if I was okay from everyone. Everyone except for Tegan. She was sitting at the table, with her knees up on the bench, pressed against her body. She had a sour look on her face, like she was annoyed of something. I feel bad for fighting with her last night, and I regret saying what I did. Tegan and I made eye contact, but she gave me a dirty look and looked away. _Bitch!_

"Tegan what-" I was going to ask what her problem was ( which would probably start another fight) when our tour manager interrupted. _Is that a good thing?_

"Okay guys, five minutes 'till we get to the venue, there's a couple of showers there, so you'll have a chance to freshen up. At 1:30 we have sound check. It's about 12:15 so meet in the auditorium at around 1:20-1:25. Alright?"

After we all gathered our toiletries, we got off the bus and went into the venue. It only had 2 bathrooms, one for woman, and one for men. Tegan and I arrived to the bathroom at the same time (even though I'm pretty sure she took the long way)

"I call it first!"

"C'mon Tegan I smell like puke!"

"Too bad, I called it first"

"God damn Tegan you're such a-"

"Guys! Guys! Calm down. Sara, just let Tegan go first, it's not a big deal." Emy comes in and acts as the peace maker.

I stepped out of the way and let Tegan go into the bathroom.

"Emy, what the hell? Why are you on her side?"

"I'm not on anyone's side. Tegan would have never agreed to let you go first, you know that. You two need to stop acting like children and discuss your problems before you end up wringing each other's necks!"

"I would have no problem talking with her, but she 'wants her space' remember? How much space does a person need anyways…"

"she hasn't even gotten any Sara! She just told you she needed space last night!"

"God, I hate it when you're right. Sorry Emy. I'll try and talk with her tonight."

"Sounds like a plan."

I was still pissed. But I know Emy was right.

Tegan POV

I scrubbed conditioner on my scalp, basking in the glory of my victory. The hot water washing away the stress of the past few days, I tried to hurry, so Sara would get a chance to shower too. I stepped out, and grabbed the small blue towel and wrapped it tight around my chest. I heard a bunch of pounding on the door

"Hurry up Tegan!"

"I'll be out in five, just let me get dressed." I shouted back

"No! I only have 15 minutes!"

I grabbed my clothes and opened the door that Sara was still pounding on. When I opened it I met with Sara's face. Her eyes were wide, and they drifted down toward my exposed collarbone. _What is she doing?_ She awkwardly looked back up to my eyes then down to the floor.

"Just let me put my damn clothes on. I'll be out in a sec"

I closed the door and got dressed as quickly as I could.

"Took you long enough." Sara said when I got out, fully dressed this time.

"Sorry, It's all yours."

She smiled at me then closed the door.


	7. Chapter 7

SARA POV

Tegan's been in the shower for a good ten minutes now. I only had 15 more minutes to shower, get dressed, and be on stage. I began pounding on the door.

"Hurry up Tegan!"

"I'll be out in five, just let me get dressed."

"No! I only have 15 minutes!"

She opened the door in nothing but a blue towel that barely covered her body. I couldn't help but stare at her damp collarbone and chest. When I caught myself staring, I quickly looked up to her eyes, she had a confused look on her face, so I looked at the ground and blushed.

"Just let me put my damn clothes on. I'll be out in a sec"

_Shitshitshit I hope she didn't catch me_

When she opened the door again (fully clothed this time)

"Took you long enough" I said in a bitchy tone, to hide what I did earlier.

"Sorry, it's all yours."

I smiled and closed the door behind me.

That night, Tegan and I had a nice, long talk, and we worked a lot of things out. It had been a month since we had that talk, and everything was awesome. Tegan and I were getting along perfectly-Too perfectly- I was being so much nicer and caring towards her, even when she was being stubborn. I don't know why I was, though. Is it some sort of twin empathy thing?

TEGAN POV

This past month, Sara and I haven't fought. She was being extremely nice and caring towards me. This only made my feelings for her grow. I couldn't take it, so I tried being bitchy and stubborn to her, but she just kept on getting nicer.

Right now, we're all at a bar. We're on break for a week, so we all decided to go crazy and go out and have fun. I'm pretty sure we're all wasted as hell, and since I didn't take any of my pills today, Sara didn't oblige to the numerous amount of drinks I've already slammed down. I've been dancing with a hot redhead the past hour. When I got tired, we sat down and talked more, flirting back and forth. I noticed Sara and Emy out of the corner of my eye; they were all over each other on the dance floor, kissing and what not. I got up off the barstool, ditched the redhead, and stormed out of the bar.

I pushed open the bar doors into the New York streets. Anger was boiling inside of me, and I needed to blow off some steam. My mind was spinning as I walked. My legs were wobbling and I had no idea where I was going, I was too intoxicated to care about how far from the hotel I had already walked. All I could think about was Sara. The image of her and Emy burned into my memory and I got angrier by the second.

SARA POV

Emy and I were having a ton of fun. Our relationship needed to be patched up, but after tonight it didn't need to anymore. We were about to leave to go back to the hotel when I remembered that Tegan was here too. I tried to find her, I asked the boys if they had seen her, and when Ted told me she left an hour ago, I assumed she went back to the hotel.

When Emy and I got back to the hotel, I banged on Tegans door to see if she was there.

"Tegan? You in there?"

No response

*Knock knock knock"

"Tegan, come on open up"

"Do you want me to ask the front desk for her room key?" Emy said

"Yeah, good idea,"

When Emy got back, I opened Tegans door and went inside to an empty, un-used hotel room.

"Where the hell is she?"

"I'll try calling her."

After ten minutes of calling Tegan, we gave up. Of course her phone was off._ Typical Tegan._ Emy and I waited in her room. Emy went on her laptop and I read.


	8. Chapter 8

TEGAN POV

I don't even know how long I've been walking. I wandered my way back to the hotel. I wasn't as drunk as I was an hour ago, the walk I just took was somewhat sobering. I felt a lot better, I was feeling good. When I got back to my hotel room, Emy was sleeping on my bed sitting up with her laptop open on her stomach, and Sara was lying next to her._ Good feeling gone._ When Sara noticed me, she jumped up off the bed and sprang to her feet

"TEGAN! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN? WE'VE TRIED CALLING YOU A THOUSAND TIMES. YOU CAN'T JUST RUN OFF AND WONDER NEW YORK DRUNK AS HELL WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?"

This is when Emy woke up, she had no choice but to sit on the edge of the bed and wait for this to blow over.

"WHY THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER? I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. I'M NOT A BABY, I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF."

"WHY DOES IT MATTER? IT MATTERS BECAUSE YOU WERE OFF DRUNK WALKING AROUND IN A DANGEROUS PLACE. CAN'T YOU SEE THAT YOU COULD'VE GOTTEN HURT? HAS YOUR HEAD BEEN UP YOUR ASS LATELY?"

"I JUST WANTED TO TAKE A FUCKING WALK. IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED ME-OH WAIT- YOU WERE TOO BUSY SUCKING FACE WITH EMY TO NOTICE."

"Ooooooohhh I get it now. You're jealous! Why don't you go get a girlfriend? OH WAIT- THEY'LL JUST BREAK UP WITH YOU CAUSE THEY CAN'T HANDLE YOUR PSYHCOTIC ASS!"

I reeled my arm back and went to punch Sara in the face, but she caught my arm and punched me square in the nose. I fell back onto the ground; I heard the door open behind me. Ted, Johnny and Shaun barged in. "WHAT'S GOING ON?" I quickly got up to fight Sara back when I felt one of the boys' arms scoop up underneath my underarms, lifting me up. "YOU FUCKING BITCH!" I kicked my legs high up in the air, kicking Sara in the gut, she made a "hooa" sound and crouched and cradled her arms into her stomach. I was carried out of the room kicking and screaming and was placed onto the bed of Shaun's hotel room. My nose was gushing blood everywhere.

"What the hell has gotten into the two of you!" Shaun got down on his knee to examine my nose. Ted came in and handed a bunch of toilet paper and ice to Shaun, who then handed me the toilet paper. "Tilt your head back." I obeyed then I held the toilet paper up to my nose. Shaun then got up and sat next to me on the bed and held the bag of ice on top of my nose. " ow ow ow!" I flinched and stood up. "Sorry sorry! Sit back down." I gave him a dirty look and sat down. I scootched back and made myself comfortable by laying down, with the upper half of my body still sitting up leaning against the headboard, still keeping my head tilted back. I hated doing this; I could feel the blood piling up and could taste it in my mouth. It hurt so damn bad, I tried to keep my tears in. I heard some noise coming from the other room, so Shaun and Ted left the room and Johnny came in and sat next to me on the bed. I was so overwhelmed. Tears started to flow freely down my face. "Do you need more tissue?" Johnny asked. I tried to reply but I couldn't, so I tried my best to nod my head. When Johnny came back he removed my hands from my nose and cradled my face in his hands, and examined my nose. He wiped the tears from my eyes with his thumbs. "I'm sorry Tegan. You'll be okay, you can pull through this" I nodded, and sunk back into my laying position. Even though my nose didn't stop bleeding, I feel asleep shortly after, with my head tilted down, resting on my shoulder.


	9. Chapter 9

SARA POV

I blocked Tegans punch and grabbed her arm, and punched her in the face instead. She fell back; she sprung up and began to run towards me when Shaun picked Tegan up underneath her underarms from behind her. "YOU FUCKING BITCH!" she screamed at me, kicking her legs, hitting me in the stomach. I doubled over, and she was dragged out of the room, her nose pouring out blood. Emy and johnny were at my side. I fell to the ground, trying to breathe again. After a good 5 minutes, I wasn't getting enough air. I started wheezing and panicking, asking for my inhaler. "WHERE'S HER INHALER? GET HER INHALER" Emy shouted, she too, was panicking. Johnny left the room, Shaun and Ted came back with my inhaler. Emy sat behind me and rubbed circles on my back while I sucked the medicine from my tube. After a little over 15 minutes I stood back up.

"I'm okay now."

"You sure?" Ted asked.

I nodded. "Where's Tegan? I want to talk to her."

"Are you sure? I don't think she'll want to see you…" Emy said.

"I don't care, I want to see her."

I walked out of the room and went into Shauns hotel room. Tegan was laying up, sleeping with her head hung down loosely, hands in her lap. The bottom half of her face was covered in red and a trail of dried blood ran down her collarbone and shirt. She must've fallen asleep while her nose was still bleeding. I wiped my face with my hands and covered my eyes for a few seconds, then I rubbed my temples. _I fucked up. Big time._Tegan stirred in her sleep. Emy tugged on my arm and pulled me out of the room into our hotel room. I got in the bed, not caring that I was still in my jeans. Emy spooned me from behind and I cried.

"I was the one who was supposed to get punched. Not her. I'm the one who should have the broken nose. Not her. I shouldn't have blocked her punch. I'm the one who caused her to want to punch me in the first place! I shouldn't have said what I said. It's my entire fault!" Emy shushed me, which was supposed to calm me down. When I did calm down, I fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

TEGAN POV

When I woke up, I was tucked underneath the covers of the hotel bed-Shaun's hotel bed. I assumed it was Shaun who tucked me in. My eyes scanned the room, it was still dark, but I could tell it was early morning. I looked over at the clock; 5:36 AM. I shifted my body, trying not to move head, when I noticed Ted. He was sleeping on the tiny hotel couch, with a pillow and a couple of blankets. I wondered why he didn't just go sleep in my room. And where was Shaun? Isn't this his room? My thoughts slowly faded away, as I drifted back to sleep.

EMY POV

Last night was anything but serene. Everything happened so fast, I had a hard time processing that Sara punched Tegan. To see Sara, with how little she is, throw a punch that hard was mind boggling. I mean, when her hand collided with Tegans face, I'm pretty sure I heard one of those cheesy sound effects that actions movies have when two men are beating each other up.

I hopped out of bed at around 9:30. I wanted to go talk to Tegan before Sara got up, and to make sure she sees a doctor. To my surprise, when I stepped out into the hall, the Johnny and Ted were there chit-chatting.

"Good morning everyone!"

"Why so perky and cheerful?" Johnny asked.

"Just trying to set the mood right. C'mon, I think we all need some sunshine in this hurricane we're all in."

"That's definitely true" said Ted.

"Where's Shaun?" I asked

"Shaun's sleeping in my room. Tegan fell asleep in Shauns bed, and I didn't want to leave Tegan alone so I slept on the couch."

"Is Tegan sleeping now? I'm sure she needs to see a doctor or something, so I figured I'd take her before Sara wakes up."

I got the card key to Shaun's hotel room. I opened the door and switched on the light, and then I walked over to Tegan to wake her up. She had her mouth wide open, and the bottom half of her face was covered in dried blood. I tapped on her shoulder until her eyes fluttered open.

TEGAN POV

I felt a few light taps on my shoulder, and I slowly started to open my eyes, to see Emy.

"Hey," I said, groggily.

"Hi, sorry to wake you, but I need to take you to the doctors as soon as possible."

"What? No, I don't need a doctor to look at my nose. I'm fine."

"Tegan, go look at yourself in the mirror, and then tell me that you don't need a doctor to look at your nose. Now go wash up and we'll go."

Despite the fact that I don't think it's necessary to go see a doctor, I went to go get ready anyways.

I went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror to see what Emy was fussing about. Holy shit. She's right. I stared back at the disaster in front of me. My face was flaking off dried blood, which ran down my collarbone and stained my shirt. Black, purple, and blue colors appeared from one eye, over my nose, and stopped at the end of my other eye. I looked like a crime scene accident.

After I took a shower, Emy and I went to the doctors. You can't do much to heal a broken nose, but to cover it in an obnoxiously large white cotton cast. The doctor said I only have to wear the big white one for two days, then I could switch over to the thinner, less noticeable, skin colored one.

On the ride back to the hotel, I was getting really nervous. I didn't want to see, or talk to Sara. I know it's going to be terribly awkward, plus, I don't know if I can control my anger and not smash her face in if I see her.

"Once we get back to the hotel I'm gonna take my medicine and go walk around, you know, go to a library or something."

"Trying to avoid Sara?"

"And everyone else. This giant thing on my face is so obnoxious and distracting. I don't want the attention from the guys either."

"You're gonna have to face them sooner or later, more like sooner. Tonight the bus leaves and we're driving down to Chicago so we can spend our break there, since there's more activities to do, remember?"

"Crap. How long of a drive is it?"

"I'm not exactly sure. More than 12 hours though."

"Oh for fucks sake!" this is gonna suck.

When we got back to the hotel, I snuck into my room and took all my medicine, and got everything ready to leave for Chicago so I could quickly get on the bus when it was time to depart. I cautiously left my room, quietly closing my door. I walked to the elevator, I made it out alive! I pressed the button with the arrow pointing down and-

"Hey Tegan! Wait up!" oooooooooh so close!


	11. Chapter 11

SARA POV

I woke up around 11AM. I woke up to an empty room, I figured Emy and everyone was already up, So I quickly got took a shower and got dressed and headed out the door, and knocked on johnny's door.

"Hey Sara, what's up?"

"Hi, do by chance know where Emy is?"

"Uh yeah, she went and took Tegan to the doctors. She should be back soon."

"How long ago did she leave?"

"about 45 minutes ago."

"Alright, thanks Johnny see ya later."

I went back to my hotel room, and sat around flipping through the television, waiting for Emy to get back. When she did, we went out to brunch and walked around for the rest of the day, going in and out of little antique stores. When it was 7, we walked back to the hotel, grabbed our things, and got on the bus. I went straight to my bunk and fell asleep.

TEGAN POV

_When we got back to the hotel, I snuck into my room and took all my medicine, and got everything ready to leave for Chicago so I could quickly get on the bus when it was time to depart. I cautiously left my room, quietly closing my door. I walked to the elevator, I made it out alive! I pressed the button with the arrow pointing down and-_

"_Hey Tegan! Wait up!" oooooooooh so close!_

I turned around to see Ted, speed walking his way over to me.

"Hey how'd the doct- oh woah."

When Ted finally caught up to me he jerked his head back in a cowering manner.

"Oh my god your face!" he said, in a shocking tone.

"Yeah, thanks Ted. I appreciate your subtle-ness,"

"I'm sorry it just looks really _really _bad."

"I know, this stupid white thing takes up half my face."

"It's not just the cast; it's your bruises that make it so gory."

"Yeah, those too. But listen; I don't really want the attention on it. I'm gonna go walk around and find a hidden place to relax for a while before we leave. You know- to try and lay low."

"Okay, have fun Tee."

"I'll try"

"Oh- and have your phone on at all times, I'll call and check in with you during the day, okay?"

"Yeah, sounds good."

Ted smirked at me.

"What?" I asked

"it's nothing, you just sound funny, all stuffy and clogged."

I gave him a small punch in the arm, then I stepped inside the elevator and pressed lobby. When I got to the lobby I walked out the doors onto the busy streets of New York. I remembered seeing a little bookshop a couple blocks over, so I made my way to it. As I walked, I tried to keep my head down to avoid eye contact with all the people. The bookstore wasn't full, but it had quite a few customers. I searched the shelves for a book, bought it, then made my way to the back of the store and found a chair and started reading. An hour or so later I felt a vibration in my pocket. I pulled out my phone, expecting it to be Ted checking in, but to my surprise it was my mum. I pressed answer, and was greeted with yelling.

"TEGAN RAIN QUIN, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOUR FACE?"

"What- how-how do you know that I did something to my face?"

"You've got some pretty crazy/stalker fans, I seen a picture of you walking into a store with your nose all bandaged and your eyes all black. What happened?"

"You need to stay off of our fan sites mum!" _I'm already on the internet? Shit._

"You need to answer my question"

"I hit my nose on accident. I'm fine."

"Tegan." She said sternly.

"Okok, Sara and I just got into a little fight, it's no big deal mum."

"No big deal? Tegan, I haven't even seen a decent picture of your face, and yet I can see that what has happened _is _a big deal. What was it about? Do I need to put you two back in therapy?"

"No, mum, you don't. Just a couple of drunken words that shouldn't have been said and Sara's karate skills are still in shape after all these years."

"Does Sara have any broken bones, smashed ribs, concussions...or any other damaged body parts that I should know about?"

"Nope."

"Oh, so you just let her break your nose and you walked away without getting her back? C'mon Tee, I know you had to of fought back."

" I was going to but Shaun picked me up and dragged me outta there. I did give her a good kick in the process though."

"uuuuuuuughhh what am I gonna do with you two?"

"We'll be fine, mum. Now let me get back to my reading please, I'll call you later."

"Okay, feel better I love you!"

"Love you too, bye."

After I hung up the phone, I proceeded to read. My mind was so lost in the book, that I wasn't keeping track of time. I was already halfway done with my book when I decided to check the time.7:05 _crap! _The bus is scheduled to leave at 7:30, so I sprung up, and dashed my way to the bus, I was late by ten minutes, but no one seemed to notice. When I got on, Shaun was the only one in sight, he was sitting at the kitchen table drinking some iced tea and browsing on his laptop. I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. A few minutes later Ted and johnny walked out of the hallway.

"Hey Tegan, wanna play some Super Smash Bros.?" Johnny asked.

"Sure!" I said,

"Ted you wanna play?"

"Naw, I don't feel like getting my ass kicked, Shaun will play though, wont cha Shaun?"

Shaun looked up from his laptop screen

"Sure, these two will be easy peasy to beat."

Shaun squeezed his way and sat between Johnny and I

"Hey, don't get so cocky now. I'm the champ at Super Smash, I'll beat your ass." I said

"I'm not scared of no Pinocchio" Shaun said, laughing

"Hey! Take that back!" I ordered, while hitting him with a pillow

"Hey! Take that back!" Shaun said squeezing his nose shut to make himself sound like Squidward, mocking me.

After I hit him a couple more times we continued our game. After an hour and a half, all of the boys went to their bunks to sleep for the night. I wasn't tired so I stayed alone on the couch, got into a comfortable reading position and read until I fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

SARA POV

I woke up at around 2 AM. I stayed in my bunk, lying awake for a half hour when I decided that I was too awake to fall back asleep again, so I hopped out of my bunk and pattered my way to the front of the bus. The small light above the kitchen table was on, and the only sound that could be heard was the breathing of a sleeping Tegan. I haven't seen her since last night, and I finally got a chance to get a good look at the damage I've done to her. I sat down at the table, and watched as Tegan slept. She was still holding her book normally, the bottom half of her body stiff and in a sitting position. Her head tipped off to the side, leaning against her shoulder. Her eyes were ringed with dark bruises, and the giant white bandage sat obnoxiously on top of her nose. Her mouth was slightly open, letting her tiny breaths be heard. I'm sure she hates sleeping with her mouth open like that, but I'm sure her broken nose makes it difficult, if not impossible, to breathe out of her nose. She looked uncomfortable, and quite troubled.

I snapped out of my daze, and went back to my bunk, grabbed a blanket and my book and made my way back to the kitchen. I placed the blanket gently on Tegan's body, and she automatically curled herself into it. I sat back down at the table and began reading. A few minutes later Emy wandered in and sat down at the table across from me, yawning and rubbing her eyes.

"What time is it?" she asked, in a loud voice, breaking the peaceful quiet.

"Shhhh" I said, then pointed behind her indicating that Tegan was asleep

Emy turned her head around to see Tegan, and then turned to face me again

"oops sorry" She whispered.

I smiled "It's about 3:30"

"AM? Why the hell are we up?"

"We went to sleep at 7, so we got at least 8 or 9 hours of sleep. I'm wide awake."

"Me too. This is gonna fuck up our sleeping schedule, huh?"

I chuckled, "probably."

Emy managed to quietly make a pot of coffee, and we sat for awhile whispering to each other, conversing about things when the immensely loud vibration of Tegan's phone that was sitting on the counter interrupted our conversation, alerting us that she had a text. Emy and I looked at the screen and read the contact name. It was Theresa. My eyes darted up to Emy, whose eyes were staring widely back at mine. Just then, Tegan stirred and she stood up, dropping the blanket, and started walking toward the end of the bus, she glanced at Emy and I once, then continued to go to her bunk, to sleep some more.

TEGAN POV

I don't know who it was, but someone rattled my bunk curtain and said "Wake up, we're getting breakfast real quick"

I stood up from my bunk and followed the boys off of the bus and into a Dunkin' Donuts. I didn't bother changing, because I was still in my jeans from the night before. On the way into the store, I passed Emy and Sara, who were carrying their coffee, heading back onto the bus. I sleepily gave my order to the cashier, and walked back onto the bus after receiving my food. I can't even remember the last time I ate, it's been so long. I stood in the kitchen, looking for my phone to check the time. I found it sitting on the table, where Emy, Sara, and Ted were sitting. When I picked it up, I saw it; 'one new message from: Theresa'. I almost dropped my phone, but somehow caught it quickly enough to prevent it from touching the floor. I had no idea how I mustered up enough energy to catch it, but I didn't think about that for too long. I stood in the middle of the kitchen like a fool debating on whether or not I should just delete it without reading, or to read it. I decided that I was going to read it, but before I do, I need to sit down. I took a seat on the very end of the couch, somewhat isolating myself from the rest of the crew on the bus. I clicked 'Read now'

"Hey Tegan! I heard that you're playing in Chicago this week, so my girlfriend and I bought tickets to the show. I just thought I'd let you know. Can't wait to see you again!

Wait what? She has a new girlfriend already? That's fine; she was just a distraction for me anyways. But shit, she's coming to the show. Why do I care? I just don't want to talk to her. Shitshitshitshit.

I sighed and laid my head back, looking up at the ceiling and continued on with my paranoiac thoughts. But soon after, my thoughts were interrupted when Emy spoke to me.

"So…uh Tegan, whatcha doin' there?"

I lifted my head up to see Emy giving me a confused/questioning look

"What? Oh uh, nothing. My body hurts is all."

"Your body hurts?" Shaun spoke as if I miscommunicated what I said

"Yeah, you know, as in like aching." I said with a tad bit too much attitude.

"Oh, sorry Ms. Squidward, no need to get your panties in a bunch" he responded, while smiling. Everyone giggled, finding Shauns joke to be funny.

"Stop making fun of my voice!" When I said 'voice' it came out as a raspy squeal.

They all burst out in laughter, and I stood up

"You know what, you guys suck, I'm going to go sleep." I couldn't help but smile, because even I admit, that was pretty funny, and embarrassing. I grabbed my tea and bagel, and went to my bunk and read while I ate.


	13. Chapter 13

********************_One week later*********************************_

SARA POV

Our break is over, and tonight we play our first show. I haven't talked to Tegan ever since I bashed her face in, and I feel so unbelievably sorry for doing that. The guilt is slowly and silently consuming me. Without her knowing, I've been watching her this whole week, watching her every move, I see every little bit of pain she's trying her hardest not to show. She's very talented at putting on a happy face. Her nose is still bad, seeing as its only been a week, but she switched to a thin, less noticeable nose cast and her bruises have faded into a dark yellow, brown, and green. They're dark enough to see from the audience, and I don't know how she'll explain herself to them. I wouldn't be mad if she told the truth, I deserve it.

The band and I were hanging out in the venue's dressing rooms, we had a couple of hours to kill before the call time. It was around dinner time, so we were getting up to go out to eat, but Tegan stayed seated.

"Aren't you coming? You need to eat Tegan." I broke this long week silence between us.

"I'll decide what I need and what I don't need." Tegan said, she looked up to me with piercing eyes filled with hate, and bits of other emotion.

I didn't respond, or show any sort of emotion, I shrugged and walked off to catch up with Emy. She greeted me with a smile and we walked to the restaurant.

TEGAN POV

_Who is Sara to decide what I need? I'm the only one who knows what I need. _I know I should eat, since I'm going to need a lot of energy for tonight, but if I'm going to try and cover up Sara's handy work, I'm gonna need all the time I can get. We only have a little over an hour till' the show starts, and about a half hour until everyone gets back. I picked up my bag full of creams and foundations I bought to cover up the bruises, and stepped in front of one of the many mirrors that covered one wall of the dressing room. I had to start by pulling of the extremely thin cast that stuck on top of my nose. It was difficult to grab hold of the material, but when I did, I slowly pulled it off. I sucked in air through my teeth, my eyes began watering, and I gripped the counter with one hand, turning my knuckles white as I pulled it off to try and make the pain weaken.

After I pulled it off completely, I got to work. I carefully put concealer around my eyes, and over the bridge of my nose with a brush. I had to take breaks every couple of seconds so the stinging could die down, which wasted a hell of a lot of time. I picked up my compact which held the powder foundation which was a lighter shade of my own skin, and brushed it over where I placed the liquid concealer. "ouchouchouch ow owowowowowowo" I repeatedly 'ouch-ed' and 'ow-ed' as I glided the brush across my face.

SARA POV

After we got back from eating, we had 20 minutes to call time. I was on my way to backstage, when I walked past the dressing room and heard someone quietly repeating little cries of pain. I knew it was Tegan in there, and I needed an excuse to see what she was doing, so I poked my head in the door, acting like I was looking for Emy.

"Emy?"

Tegan's reflection stared back at me, she was standing in front of a mirror with a makeup brush hovering over her face. She covered up her bruises, and it almost looked completely normal. I have no idea how she made it look so normal.

"Oh, sorry. I was looking for Emy. Have you seen her?"

She put the brush down and shook her head.

"oh. Okay. Well were on in 10, so meet us backstage."

She nodded and put her bag away. I left and proceeded to go backstage.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello everyone! I'm sorry if it seems as if this story is going nowhere, and that it has too many chapters, but I promise if you stick around this next week you'll be extremely happy with me ;) Thank you for reading! **

TEGAN POV

When it was our cue, the band and I walked on stage. My heart was beating fast, and the butterflies were fluttering in my stomach, I haven't gotten stage fright in years, I was nervous about the fans noticing my face. This venue was quite large, packed with people, the air was smoky and dusty, I could see particles of dust floating about.

Sara and I bantered between each song, we allowed each other to pretend everything was normal and told stories and shared laughs. Sara was busy telling a story from when we were teenagers, while I was looking throughout the audience. I saw Theresa a few rows back in the crowd, she was looking at me, so I smiled and tuned back into what Sara was saying. The dusty air was getting to be overwhelming, and I had the sensation of a sneeze fizzling up inside my nose. I turned my back to the audience and faced our backing band while the sneeze rippled through, I knelt down and cupped my nose with one hand, I have the feeling when you accidently suck up water through your nose when you're swimming, Shaun mouthed "What are you doing" I removed my hand from my nose to signal a 'one minute' sign by pointing one finger up when a small amount of blood dripped from my nose. Shaun noticed and he grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side of the stage where the audience couldn't see me.

"What happened? What did you do?"

One of the stage crew conveniently handed me a tissue

"What do you mean 'what did I do'? All I did was sneeze!"

"You need to learn how to control a sneeze! Now what are we going to do?"

I looked over to the stage, and seen Sara looking back at me with a confused look on her face. " What's going on?" she mouthed.

I removed the tissue from my nose. There wasn't much blood.

"I'm good to go now, c'mon"

"You sure?" shaun asked

"Yeah, let's go"

"Wait! You've got some blood under your nose, wipe it"

I wiped it, then asked for Shauns reassurance. He gave me a thumbs up and we walked back onstage.

"Sorry about that guys. Why don't we stop babbling and play a song now?"

The drums for Like Oh, Like H filled the venue as I played my guitar and sang back up to Sara's lead vocals.


	15. Chapter 15

**AUTHORS NOTE: Again, sorry for the pointless chapter, but this chapter is important for what happens in the next chapter. Patience everyone ;)**

TEGAN POV

I walked off stage after waving goodbye to the screaming, cheering fans, in search of a water bottle. I feel really dehydrated, and my makeup is sweating off, irritating me. I walked to the dressing room, grabbed all of my things, and found a way to get on the bus without having any fans see me. I climbed the steps up onto the bus and headed straight towards the bathroom to wash off my makeup. I was wiping off the last bits of cover up when the bus door swung open, followed by the cheering of Johnny, who held a case of beer in his hands, and the babble of the rest of the band. Johnny set the case of beer on the table and everyone dug into it, grabbing a beer. I walked out of the bathroom putting a smile on my face. I didn't want to be a downer, so I figured I'd put on a happy face for everyone tonight.

"beer?" Emy asked, handing me one

"Thanks!" I smiled back

I leaned against the kitchen counter swigging from my beer as I joined into the group conversations, thankful that the attention wasn't drawn on me. I sat down on couch and watched as everyone slammed down beer after beer, it was quite obvious that everyone was drunk; I was perfectly fine only having one beer. Sara came and sat down very close to me, looked over at me with a gummy smile.

"So Tee, whyyyyyyyyyyyy did you run off stage tonight?" She slurred, she was really close to the side of my face, and I could smell the beer on her.

" I sneezed." I replied quick and short, trying to make it obvious that I didn't want to talk to her.

She just stared at me.

"Okay, will you please move away from me? You're too close." I figured that was blunt enough to get my point across.

"Hey, I was sitting here first, so it's **youuuuu** who's too close." She pressed her finger on my shoulder as she said 'you'

I groaned and stood up, turned around to face Sara and said "Hey Sara, why don't you have another beer?" and walked off to my bunk.

I laid in my bunk for a while, finding it difficult to sleep with the ruckus the drunken band was making. My nose was healed enough that I could breathe through it, which helped me fall asleep.

SARA POV

I didn't think anything of it when Tegan bitchily walked away after making a witty comment at me. Frankly, I was too drunk to care. I stood up to throw my empty bottle of beer away when I stubbed my toe really badly

"Fucking ouch!" I held my toe and kneeled while jumping like an idiot while everyone chuckled.

I sat on the couch, trying to sooth my throbbing toe. The blow, in a way, was sobering._ Shit shit shit. I'm so fucking stupid. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut?_ I put my head down in shame and held it in my hands, thinking of the conversation that just happened between Tegan and I. Emy came and sat down next to me.

"How's your toe?" She asked, laughing at me

"It's fine"

"Why is your head in your lap then? Did you bump anything else or….?"

"No, no. I just fucked up with Tegan again."

"What did you do?" she asked, concern on her face

" I was messing with her, and she hinted for me to stop but I kept going. It was so obvious she didn't want to talk to me, but I kept going anyway. God, I'm so stupid sometimes!"

"You're not stupid. You're drunk and she's sober. Those conversations never end well."

"That has absolutely nothing to do with it. She doesn't want to talk to me. Okay, you know what? If she's gonna be a bitch and not talk to me then so be it. Two can play at that game!"

I smiled over at Emy, who gave me a 'are you kidding me' look.


	16. Chapter 16

**************one week later*******************************

TEGAN POV

That night, Sara was too drunk and I got pissed off at her. She wasn't even being mean, she was actually the opposite. Normally she wouldn't even want to go near me, but get some booze in her and she's all touchy and wants my attention.

My nose doesn't hurt anymore, which means it's basically completely healed. Still, Sara and I haven't talked to each other, only when it was absolutely necessary like bantering on stage.

We've been traveling a lot and played many shows this week, I was so emotionally exhausted, so I said no to going to tour the small city we're in with the rest of the band and sat in my bunk instead, all alone. I've been so lonely lately; I'm silently struggling every second of everyday. I lay in my bunk in the fetal position, feeling the loneliness poison my body with every beat of my heart. My sobs boom throughout the empty bus, echoing back inside my tiny bunk. Sara hasn't even tried to talk it out with me; she's trying to ignore what has happened. I'm so convinced that she doesn't even care about me. She has no clue about how I feel about her, I can't push away these feelings or thoughts. These thoughts are poisoning my body, there's so many in my mind right now. I try thinking of songs to calm me down, but I think of my song 'When I get up'. I wrote it for someone else, but now, I dedicate it for Sara, the idea that we have the most perfectly perfect relationship, being so happy in love, always having her there for me, feeling so safe and secure with each other. The lyrics are everything I want with Sara, so much packed in a short song. The song blares in my mind, the lyrics haunting me, causing my pain to increase, turning up the volume on my sobs.

SARA POV

The small town we were in was holding a tiny festival outdoors. I really didn't want to stand here in this weather to watch a couple of bands play, but everyone else, including Emy wanted to stay, so I told them I was going to go back to the bus that was a couple of blocks away.

As I approached the bus and climbed up the two steps to the front entrance, I heard hysterical screams of sorrow, I knew those could only come from Tegan. I was so discombobulated that I had trouble opening the door, which gave me time to think of the worst case scenarios, such as if a crazy psychotic fan is in there hurting her. When I budged the door open I scanned the whole bus running to the back where the source of the screeches seemed to be coming from. I pulled open her bunk curtain to see Tegan cowered into the corner of her bunk, body vigorously trembling as she hyperventilated between each of her cries. She looked up at me for a second, which only made her wail louder. I kicked off my shoes and climbed into her bunk, and wrapped my arms around her as she buried her face into my neck, muffling her sobs while her hands grabbed my shirt, tightly bawling it into her fists. I rested my chin on top of her head, her violent hyperventilating shook me as well.

"Tee, you need to breathe," I fumbled over my words, as I tried not to cry

I know this is my entire fault. She's suffering because I've been so incredibly selfish when I knew she needed me the most. Her sobs quieted as she tried to somewhat calm down her frantic breathing. I let a few tears silently roll down my cheek as I held her tighter, squeezing her closer against my body.

"S-S-Sarra?" She tried to say, looking up at me

"Yeah?" I said quietly

"I'm sorry" She choked out, followed by another boom of cries

I dragged my body down, so our faces were right in front of each other. I took my hands and cradled her face.

"Tegan, listen to me," She looked me in the eyes, while she quieted down

" You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about, everything is my fault. I'm the one who should be apologizing, not you. Tegan, I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry"

Her sobs silenced, the only sound that could be heard were the heavy breathing coming from the both of us as we stared into each other's eyes. Her face was only inches from mine, her ragged breathes tickled my lips, and I forcefully crashed her lips with mine.


	17. Chapter 17

SARA POV

Our lips were locked, until I brushed my tongue against her bottom lip, asking for entrance. When she accepted it, our tongues collided in a war. When things got heated up, I pulled her on top of me, allowing her to straddle me. Tegan took my tongue and slowly sucked on it, shooting tingles to the lower half of my body. I moaned into her mouth as I placed my hands on her hips, feeling the soft skin beneath her shirt. Her hands began to look for something to do, but due to the current position I was in, she couldn't hold herself up against me, she released my tongue from her mouth as I anxiously pulled myself up so we were both sitting up. Her hands immediately snaked their way up to my breasts, pushing her hands up underneath my bra causing it to push up out of the way so she could toy with my naked chest. I caught her tongue and began to suck on it, copying her move from before. My hands made its way just above the button of her jeans; I quickly unbuttoned them, diving my hand in, ready to get to work when we heard the bus door jiggle. Both of us quickly removed our hands from each other's bodies, I got out of the bunk, standing in front of it, and I leaned into the bunk to share another quick heated tongue battle when the door swung open. I quickly pulled our suctioned faces away, which made a smacking sound, just in time so no one could see us.

I walked to the front and greeted them, then informed them that I was going to bed. Emy leaned in for a kiss and I quickly pecked it, not wanting it to ruin the taste of Tegan. I got into my bunk, adrenaline still pumping. I knew there was something making me afraid of Tegan, pushing my feelings away so I didn't recognize and now I know what I'm feeling, and I'm perfectly fine with what we just did. In fact, I craved more.

TEGAN POV

I woke up with a smile on my face, remembering the night before. Remembering every detail, including how it started. It was Sara who kissed me first, Sara! Not me! Does she have the same feelings for me as I do for her?

I climbed out of my bunk on my way to the bathroom when I saw Sara sitting Indian style on the couch. She gave me a flirtatious smile; I gave her my gummy smile back and waved before entering the bathroom. That tiny little smile made me feel confident that she didn't think that what we did was a mistake. When I got out of the bathroom I went in the back and changed my clothing, then sat at the kitchen table. Emy made everyone breakfast so I ate. The bus arrived to where our venue was, so we could unload our equipment and set it up for the show we're playing at tonight. Inside the venue, I was walking through a narrow grungy hallway that had a lot of doors that led to various rooms, on my way to see what Ted requested me for when Sara popped out from behind me, grabbed my arm and pulled me into a room. When Sara pulled me into the pitch black room, she pushed me into a back shelf; I stumbled, knocking things off of the shelf, which made a loud ruckus.

"Shhh!" she hissed

"Ow, fuck! Sara, turn on a light!" I heard her giggle

She turned on a light by pulling a string that hung in the middle of the room. We were standing in an extremely small supply closet.

"Sorry about that. I didn't know this room was so small." She said, then grabbed the collar of my shirt, and started attacking me with her lips.

"What are you doing? We can't do this here!" I said in between kisses, not really wanting to stop.

" Shhhhhh"

"No, Sara this-"

"Just shut up!" She growled against my lips, while pushing me into a wall, pressing her body into mine roughly, and pinned my hands up.I gave in, and kissed her back. She let go of my wrists, unzipped my jacket and started sucking on my neck and collarbone quickly. One of my hands was on her stomach, I moved them both around to squeeze her ass before quickly flipping her over so her back was against the wall, shoving our tongues back into each other's mouths. I slid one of my hands slowly down her thigh, then cupped my hand in between her legs and rubbed her through her jeans. I shoved my hips into hers as she grinded her hips into mine as I moaned into her mouth. I pulled my body away from her, ending the kiss abruptly.

"What's wrong?" she asked, out of breath, trying to pull me back into a kiss

"No- Sara, I have to go, Ted wanted me to meet him onstage 10 minutes ago"

"Shit. Okay, let's go." I turned off the light and poked my head out to see if anyone was coming.

"Were good, come on." We stumbled out of the closet, acting like nothing happened. We looked at each other's crumpled clothing and messed up hair and giggled at each other. I zipped my jacket up and smoothed my hair before walking onstage, where ted was holding chords and plugging them into things.

"There you are! Where have you been?" he asked, seeming like he was slightly pissed

"Sorry! I was talking to Sara."

"Really? Is everything okay now between you two?" His voice was full of hope

"Yup. We're good now." I said

"Yayyyyyyy!" Johnny and Shaun cheered and clapped, joining the conversation


	18. AUTHORS NOTE

I accidently erased the love scene for the new chapter. I can't believe it! I'm so frustrated and upset right now, I'll rewrite it but I know it won't be as good as the first take, sorry everyone. I'll try and post it tonight, but I don't know for sure.


	19. Chapter 18

SARA POV

Throughout the week, Tegan and I would find closets or other private areas where we would have makeout sessions. We never had any time to do what we truly wanted to, our sexual frustration towards each other was growing more and more every day. Right now, we're currently at a venue. The venue was small, and didn't have any sort of privacy. The boys were off doing who knows what, and Emy was dealing with a merch issue and had to go somewhere. I was looking for Tegan, when I couldn't find her I walked outside. When she wasn't there, I assumed she walked back to the hotel that was walking distance. I turned the corner, and saw Tegan in the midst of people walking. I caught up with her and squeezed her bum, she squealed, turning around.

"You ass!" she said, hitting my shoulder.

I flirtfully hit her back, and we walked into the hotel and went up in the elevator to her room. We both knew that we were finally going to get to do what we've been craving for, but Tegan took a slow approach to it. She slowly kissed me, as I pulled off her shirt, and helped her pull of her pants. She took of my shirt and pushed me onto the bed with force. I went to take off my pants but she swatted my hands away, and took the zipper between her teeth and looked at me seductively as she pulled the zipper down slowly. She took off my pants, then underwear. She took my thighs and kissed them, pulling them apart. She then kissed my sensitive button once, shooting tingles up my spine but then continued to suck and nibble at my thighs, teasing me.

"C'mon Tee, I need you." I whined, gripping the sheets

She plunged a finger in, using her thumb to circle my clit. She then added another finger, but just as I was about to reach my climax, she pulled out, leaving me whining. She then replaced her fingers with her tongue, and managed to suck on my clit in the process, swirling inside me with her tongue. I was swimming in euphoria as I reached one of the best climaxes I've ever had. She made her way up to my face kissing up my body until she reached my mouth, tasting myself on her tongue. I was still partially swimming in my orgasm; I flipped Tegan over so I was on top. I wasted no time and ripped off her bra, sending it flying across the room. I took a nipple in my mouth and sucked as I brushed my fingers across the waistband of her underwear, and then took them off for her. Two of my fingers entered her as my thumb toyed with her clit. I moved my face up, hovering over her face and watched her as she bucked her hips into my fingers. Her head was turned to the side, as she was moaning and gasping. She turned her head to face me with a sexy smirk; she then scrunched her face and growled as she thrusted into my hand harder. The volume of her moans and growls were getting loud; a little too loud, especially with these thin walls. I took my free hand and covered her mouth, muffling her moans and growls. The sound alone pushes me into another orgasm. Her orgasm ends, but my body is still high from mine, so I didn't stop rubbing or thrusting my fingers into her.

TEGAN POV

My orgasm ends, but Sara continues to do what she was doing before. Her fingers were overworking my walls, my clit throbbed and ached with overstimulation. My chest got heavy, making it hard to breath.

"Sara…."


	20. Chapter 19

**AUTHORS NOTE: Hi! Thanks for all of the awesome reviews I've been receiving! They motivate me to write I was looking at all the material I have written for the future chapters, and realized how many chapters I already have. Does it bother you guys if this story is super super long? Let me know please! Thank you **

SARA POV

"Sara…."

Tegan looked at me with pain on her face as she whispered a gasp of plea, signaling for me to stop. I collapsed onto her body, glistening with sweat, as our chests heaved up and down frantically. I snuggled my face into her neck as she wrapped her arms around my body, snuggling back.

I felt a pang of guilt in my stomach as I thought about Emy. We haven't been acting like a real couple these past few months. She's more like a counselor who helps me with my problems. Something tells me that Emy feels this way too, which lessens the guilt about what I've been doing with Tegan lately. It's so wrong, but she makes me happy. I moved and put my elbows on each side of her ribcage to hold myself up and kissed her cute little button nose then immediately went back into the cuddling position I was before.

TEGAN POV

As Sara and I lay here, my eyes began to get heavy as I struggled to keep them open. I wasn't asleep, but I wasn't quite awake either, and got too tired to keep them open, so they shut. My eyes shot open, and I looked at the clock. I jerked my body up, disturbing a sleepy Sara.

"Sara! We've been gone for 2 hours!"

"shit!"

We rushed to put our clothes on and ran out of the hotel putting our shoes on in the process. When we got to the venue, we were greeted with a very pissed off band.

"Where the hell have you two been! We were supposed to have been down with soundcheck an hour ago!

I fumbled to find an excuse, Sara picked up on my frazzled-ness and jumped in

"I'm sorry, I took Tegan out to lunch because I felt as if the small talk we had wasn't enough for the big problem that we were in for awhile there. I guess we weren't really paying attention and lost track of time. Really sorry you guys," Sara saved the day.

SARA POV

As we were doing our soundcheck, I specifically requested that we practice the songs that used the keyboard, since it was positioned in a way that I could watch Tegan the entire time. I used the excuse that 'I was feeling a bit rusty and felt I needed more practice' but in truth, I really just wanted to stare at Tegan's ass.

After soundcheck, Tegan, Shaun and I were sitting in a dressing room relaxing and I was reading. I really was hoping Shaun would leave soon, because I've been such a horny tart towards Tegan. But you know what they say, it takes two to tango. We were all sitting on the couch, Shaun in the middle, blocking my view of Tegan. Just then, the vibration of Shauns phone buzzed in his pocket.

"I gotta take this, catch ya guys later." Shaun said while looking at the contact that was calling him

"Okay, say hi to your wife for me" I assumed it was his wife

"Will do" He responded while walking out the door.

My stomach had butterflies knowing that Tegan and I were alone, but when I went to confront Tegan, I looked over and saw that she was asleep. I was wondering why she was being so quiet, and now I know why.

I scooted closer to her and kissed her nose that I loved oh so much to try and wake her up. When that didn't work I lightly tickled her tummy. That also didn't work. A devious smile crept on to my face as I thought of what I could do to wake her up.

Tegan always teases me about how my hands are always cold, so I crept my hands up underneath her shirt and placed it on her stomach. She winced and woke up abruptly.

" what? What happened?" She asked as soon as she woke up, not knowing anything that's going on.

"Nothin' happened, I just need you."

"Need me? For what?"

I smiled as I bit my lip

"Jesus christ Sara, are you horny 24/7? I don't have any damn energy left."

" You gotta little, don't cha?"

"Well yes, but I need it to play the show tonight."

"Oh come on" I begged

She shook her head " Nope!

I wouldn't take no for an answer, so I climbed on top of her, straddling her as I sucked on her neck. She didn't seem to be resisting, so I went down further, pulling her sweater down so I could nip at her cleavage. She actually seemed to be getting into it when the door suddenly opened, and I quickly jumped off of Tegan, falling onto the floor, to see Emy.


	21. Chapter 20

EMY POV

I was looking for Sara and Tegan, to tell them that the merch didn't ship all the way, that there was only a few boxes worth, which was certainly not enough for the rest of the tour. When I opened the door to the dressing room, everything happened so fast, but I'm pretty sure Sara was on top of Tegan, it looked like a hug, but I know for a fact it wasn't a hug. Now Sara was on the floor, and I had to think of something to make it seem as if I didn't just see what they were really doing.

"Sara, did you just trip over Tegan's feet? You're such a klutz sometimes. Anyways, I got some sucky news. Some of the merch didn't ship, so we only have half. I talked to the company and they said they can ship the rest this week, but we don't have a lot for tonight, I'm really sorry I tried everything I could."

"Emy don't worry about it, I'm sure you tried your best, I appreciate the work." Tegan said, walking to the snack table and grabbing a water bottle.

"We gotta get going to quiet time. C'mon Sara." The girls left and I went to go to the merch table.

TEGAN POV

I was silently freaking out on the inside, I'm sure Sara was too. I was also so very tired and my energy was at a record low, but I somehow managed to play an entire show. After the encore, I went backstage where the band that opened up our show was chatting with me. I excused myself by telling them that I needed to go to the restroom, when in reality I was really going back to the dressing room to lie down on the couch. I was so unbelievably tired, I felt like I took like 4 sleeping pills, and when I arrived I immediately dragged myself to the couch and huddled up, hugging a pillow and fell asleep.

SARA POV

Everyone wanted to talk to me, or needed me for something after the show. I've been searching for Tegan for a good half hour now, and we were supposed to leave and go back to the hotel in 10 minutes. I still didn't find Tegan, but I followed Emy, Johnny, Ted and Shaun to the dressing room to grab our bags and stuff. When we got in there we found Tegan, sleeping on the couch.

"Hey Tegan, wake up. We're going back to the hotel." Said Johnny, poking at her.

"No. I don't want to go to the mall." Tegan said, obviously still half sleeping.

"We're not going to the mall, we're going to go to sleep."

"Yeah, let's go to sleep." Was Tegan's response

Johnny lost patience, so he took the pillow that was cradled in Tegan's arms and whacked her with it, she sat up, with an angry expression on her face.

"C'mon Tegan, we're going back to the hotel."

"Okay okay! Jeez, you could've told me that in the first place instead of attacking me with a pillow!" Tegan said

"What! I tried waking you up!" Johnny was laughing but also defensive

I stayed by Emy's side as we walked to the hotel together, and we took the elevator up to our hotel room, where we both got in bed, I immediately fell asleep, while Emy lay beside me and read.

The next day, we had a day off from shows to do whatever we wanted until nighttime, when we have to go on the bus to go to Canada, to do our Canadian part of the tour. I spent most of my day walking around the town with Emy, going to little antique stores and what not. Around 5 o'clock, Emy and I went back to the hotel. I haven't talked to or even seen Tegan today. I knocked on her hotel room, when she answered it, she was wrapped up in a giant blanket still in her pajamas with her hair all messy and out of control.

"Hi."

"Hey, can I come in?"

"Sure." She moved out of the way to let me in, then sat on the bed, where 'The Office' was playing on her laptop.

I sat down in front of her.

"Are you sick or…?" I asked. This wasn't like Tegan to spend her day off being a sloth

"No, I'm just feeling very anti-social today. Have you talked to Emy? Did she say anything about last night?"

"What do you mean 'did she say anything?' Emy just thought I tripped, remember?"

"Well I think we should cool it from now on." She said, playing with her labret piercing.

"What? What are you implying?"

"You know, stop with all this nonsense."

"What nonsense, Tegan, what are you talking about?"

"I'm saying we need to lay low, stop with all the closet stuff, we haven't been careful enough, or even capable enough to keep it in our pants long enough to not get caught."

"We haven't even got caught! Emy didn't see anything! Nobody saw anything! We're fine Tegan!" I raised my voice; Tegan's paranoia was ticking me off.

"Calm down Sara." She said, firmly.

"No, I'm not going to calm down, your paranoia is clouding up your senses to see that we're perfectly fine with how we've been doing things!"

"If you're going to shout at me I think you should leave, I don't need this shit right now."

"Damn you, Tegan." I said, making my way to the exit

"Don't get all bitchy with me! I didn't say we had to stop this forever! There's a difference between laying low and calling everything off!" She retaliated.

"Whatever," I scoffed before exiting her room


	22. Chapter 21

TEGAN POV

I went back to watching the office. I didn't find it as funny as I did 10 minutes ago before Sara came in and completely ruined my mood. At 7'oclock we went back to the bus to travel to Canada. On the bus, Sara was being all touchy and feely with Emy, and did an unnecessary amount of laughing whenever Emy cracked a joke. I had a feeling she was doing this on purpose, to make me jealous, and it worked. Way too much. Sara knows how I get when I get jealous, and it's not pretty. Yet, she does things to make me jealous anyway.

SARA POV

If Tegan knew that the reason why I have been all over Emy lately was to make her jealous, it was. That's exactly the reason why. I was torturing her for the 3 days we've been stuck on this bus. I could tell that it took everything in her to not smash someone's face in whenever I kissed her, or flirted with her. Ted asked the driver to pull over at a gas station so he could buy something to eat. We ended up stopping at this huge gas station/ restaurant. I went to the bathroom, I didn't even notice Tegan was behind me walking into the bathroom with me until she grabbed me by the shoulders and shoved me, pinning me against the wall.

"What the hell's a matter with you?" She roughly kissed me on the lips, a little too hard.

"Is this what you want? Is this what it takes for you to stop being a bitch and torturing me, using Emy as your little prop?" She growled, as she dug her hand into my pants. Her anger was making me hot, turning me on.

"Girls gotta do what girls gotta do," I said, smirking from the fact that I won, I broke Tegan into giving me what I want. I slyly locked the door behind me, as Tegan and I managed to roughly fuck each other standing up, in a gas station bathroom.

Tegan didn't let me get away so easy, though. She bit and scratched me as we took out our sexual frustration out on each other. She had to of known that she was making marks on my body, but she did it because she knew they would be hard to cover up. That and I just think she gets off to biting and scratching me, into that kinky crap. I wasn't complaining, though.

We had just entered into the borders of Canada, but we still had one more day of driving until we actually arrived to the city that we were supposed to play in. Tegan took this time to get back at me more by taunting me. She did things such as 'accidently' dropping things, and picking them up, so I could stare at her ass, or brushing up against me.

When we arrived in the city, we met up with our friend and band Hesta Prynn. Hesta invited us to this bar that her friend owned to go to after playing our concert, so after the show, we did. I promised myself I wasn't going to get too drunk, but Hesta's a true partier, and a persuasive one at that, so I had to give in. On a scale to one to ten about how drunk I was, I was about a 5, which was not too drunk, but enough to have a hard time walking. Tegan was about an 7, which worried me greatly. Speaking of Tegan, I had no idea where she was, I haven't seen her since she downed 3 shots with Hesta. Emy was pretty drunk too, so she wasn't paying attention to me, which gave me time to go look for Tegan. I was walking in the crowd of the people dancing to the techno music that was playing when I felt someone's arms wrap around my waist saying "Hey baby"

I turned around to see Tegan. I smiled back and she grabbed my hand and pulled me somewhere quiet. We ended up finding a bathroom

"I've been looking for you." She said trying to keep her balance, and not trip.

"I've been looking for you as well." I replied, going in for a kiss. When I did kiss her, she was smiling so I ended up kissing her teeth while she giggled hysterically.

"Keep it together, Tee" I whined

"Sara, I can't do this,"

"Can't do what?"

…..

"Tegan, are you okay?"


	23. Chapter 22

TEGAN POV

The music from outside the room was echoing off these walls, I knew Sara was trying to kiss me, I really wanted to kiss her back and do what we came here to do, but I couldn't

"Sara, I can't do this"

My brain was pulsating, my heart was beating rapidly, and I felt my stomach hiccup. All sounds went mute, the last thing I saw was Sara mouthing words with etches of concern on her drunken face. I saw spots of colors everywhere, until everything went black

SARA POV

Tegan sat there, spaced out. I noticed she was turning white.

"Tegan, are you okay?"

Before I knew it, Tegan collapsed, falling on top of me. I didn't exactly catch her, but it was like dominoes and we both fell. I caught her head from colliding with the floor, so that counts as catching her, right?

"fuckfuckfuckfuck. Tegan wake up. Wake up Tegan come on!" I said, slapping her face lightly. I moved her to the wall and went to the sink, put water on my hands and splashed her with cold water. It didn't work. I freaked out, what if she had alcohol poisoning? I flew out of the bathroom, and ran to the dance floor, looking for anyone I knew for help. I first spotted Ted. I ran up to him and tugged on his shirt

"Ted! Ted! Tegan passed out in the bathroom, come help!"

"What? Are you serious?" He said as we ran back to the bathroom.

We got into the bathroom, and Tegan was standing at the sink, splashing water on her face. She looked over at Ted and I, leaning on the counter for support.

"Oh come on Sara! You went and got Ted? I'm fine!"

"You didn't look fine sprawled out on the floor a minute ago!"

"I'm okay, I'm going back to the bus though,"

On the way back to the bus, I found Emy, and told her that we were going back to the bus.

Emy followed us onto the bus.

TEGAN POV

I sat down on the couch when we got back on the bus, I felt a lot better, it was strange.I really didn't want to anyone to worry or ask me if I'm sure I'm fine, I knew I was, so I left the situation, and climbed into my bunk.

SARA POV

I was worried about Tegan, but I didn't show it, especially with Emy here. After Tegan went to bed, I sat on the couch. Emy sat down next to me and put her head on my shoulder and attempted to cuddle, I winced, and she noticed

"Is something wrong? Am I doing something wrong?" She asked,

"Uhm , uh no. I just don't really feel up to cuddling right now. I'm feeling a little nauseous."

Emy got up, and started walking away. She stopped, and turned to me.

"Hey Sara, next time we stop in town let's go out to lunch, I want to talk to you." She then proceeded to go to the back of the bus

"Uh ohhhhhhhhhhh, somebody's in trouuuubbllleeee" Ted said from sitting at the table

"Oh cram it Ted." I snapped, walking away to also go to my bunk.

"Woah, woah, Sara, I was only kidding!"

I scowled at him, feeling sick and pissed off. I went and laid in my bunk, but laying down made the contents of my stomach flop and swish everywhere. I sprinted to the bathroom, and hurled until there wasn't anything left in my stomach. Ted came in, handing me a glass of water, and a motion sickness pill, and I went back to sleep.


	24. Chapter 23

SARA POV

I woke up early, on purpose. I knew we were stopping in town today to play a show, which would give time to talk with Emy, like she wanted. There was a delay in going out to lunch, but at 5pm, Emy and I went out to dinner.

On the way there, I was freaking out inside, what if she knew about Tegan and I? We sat at the table, and since we only had an hour to eat and to get back to the venue, so we didn't have time to dilly-dally.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked, my heart was pounding

"Our relationship." She responded.

"What about our relationship?" I was so nervous at this point, I felt like I was going to faint

" It hasn't been exactly stable, or like a normal relationship. I feel as if you're always avoiding me. I know that I'm the one who's causing you to be so distant, I've been so clingy and needy, and I know you've got Tegan to take care of. From now on, I'll give you some space and not ask so much of you. I think that will fix everything" she ended with a smile

A giant weight just flew off of my shoulders, my worries are gone. I thought everything was going to end here, and that the cat would come out of the bag, but it didn't!

"Oh Emy, don't blame this all on yourself, you've been so wonderful to me, and I'm sorry I've been pushing you away. I've just been so caught up with trying to help Tegan, and I've been ignoring you. We can still make this work, though."

I don't even know why I said that last part, this would have been the perfect time to break up with her, but I was so fixated on the fact that she didn't say anything about Tegan and me….

We ended the dinner on a good note; we talked about things other than the band and our relationship, it was actually really fun.

When we got to the venue, Emy and I arrived late, and we had to do the final adjustments before we started the show, we were always around the band, so Tegan and I couldn't talk. After the show, I tried to avoid Tegan. I know she was probably having a fit and freaking out on the inside, wondering if Emy caught us. I know I should stop her anxieties but I really didn't want to tell her every little detail, because I know she'll ask if I broke up with her, and she'll be mad when I told her no. I spent my time talking with the other bands, and zig sagging my way around Tegan, so she wouldn't see me. I did a pretty good not making it noticeable that I was avoiding her.

TEGAN POV

I spent my after show trying to find Sara. Whenever I saw her, she was busy and I never got the chance to talk to her. Then, the other half of the night she completely disappeared, making it impossible for me to talk to her, so I gave up. I went to the bus and went straight to my bunk. I was pretty tired, and I was having trouble falling asleep with all my anxieties about Emy and how Sara was avoiding me. What if Emy did catch us, and Sara doesn't want to tell me, so she's avoiding me? I fell asleep, and for that amount of time, my worries left me.

When I woke up, the first thing I did was think of a way to get Sara alone so I could talk to her. The bus wasn't moving, which meant there was a chance to get off the bus. I got out of my bunk rattled Sara's bunk curtain, and told her to wake up. She knew that I wanted to talk to her, so she didn't ask why I was making her get up. I brushed my teeth while she got dressed, and she wanted coffee, so we went to a nearby coffee shop.

"What happened with Emy yesterday?"

"Emy doesn't know."

"Really? How can you be sure?"

"She wanted to talk about our relationship and went on about how it was her fault we're not really stable, because she's been too clingy, and she knows I don't like that and stuff."

"So she blames herself for everything?"

"Pretty much"

"Wait, are you guys still a couple?"

"Yeah."

"That would have been the perfect chance to end it, Sara! Why didn't you?"

"I don't know."

"Stop giving me one word answers! You kept me up all night worrying about this because you were avoiding me, and you can't even explain yourself now? If you don't want to be with me just say it Sara, I'll leave you alone and go back to the way I was before."


	25. Chapter 24

SARA POV

Tegan gave me a minute to respond to what she just said, but I couldn't think of anything to say. She got up, and stormed out of the coffee shop. I ran after her. When I caught up to her, I grabbed her shoulders and spun her around.

"Teg-"

"No! Sara, I understand. You still love Emy, and I'm the one who's getting in the way, fucking everything up, making everything difficult for you. We can pretend this never happened, and go back to the way it was before, and I promise I won't get in the way between you and Emy." Tears were falling from her eyes now.

I kissed Tegan forcefully, and pulled back before anyone noticed.

"I love Emy, and I will always have feelings for her. But the feeling I have for you are much much stronger, and even though what we're doing is wrong, I want to be with you more."

"Wow, that was really cheesy." She said, as she pulled me into a hug

"I know, we can forget that happened, right?"

"How about we forget this WHOLE morning happened, deal?"

"Deal."

On the walk back to the bus, I explained to Tegan why I didn't want to completely break up with Emy, and she understood.

SARA POV

Tegan and I have been keeping everything exciting, not letting privacy issues ruin our 'fun times' It is currently 11:30 PM, the bus is traveling to Vancouver, and I'm in my bunk, reading a book, trying to fall asleep. My bunk was hot and stuffy, so I took off my shirt, and slipped off my pants, which cooled me down.

TEGAN POV

I have this thing where I have a hard time falling asleep if everyone else is asleep. I know that Emy, Ted, Johnny and Shaun are sleeping, and I'm pretty sure Sara is sleeping too. I don't know why, but this makes me so uncomfortable.

SARA POV

I dreamt I was in a room, filled with lights that made the room glow with comfort. A giant canopy bed sat in the middle of the room. The walls were a deep plum purple, with a painting of a giant tree whose branches flowed from each wall. The air was light, as I breathed it in lying down on the bed. I let my eyes close, as the cloud like bed hugged every inch of my body. When I opened my eyes, Tegan was lying beside me, she looked different, but in a good way. She was wearing a purple dress that matched the wall color exactly, along with dark smoky makeup that made her eye color pop. Her hair was all messy, she lied next to me. The leaves from the tree that was painted on the walls began to come alive and fly around the room, dancing over Tegan and me. I reached out to Tegan, but I was abruptly woken up when the bus hit over a gigantic bump, making the whole bus jump. I checked my phone to see the time, it was 5:26, it was too early to get out of bed, and I was tired enough to fall right back asleep, not thinking anything of the gigantic bump.

My curtain bunk rattled, and I heard Piers, the busdriver/tour manager telling us to immediately get off of the bus right this second. I had no idea why or what was going on, but I did what I was told. I tried to put pants on, because I was in an oversized T-shirt and underwear, but Piers told me I had to get off the bus immediately. I walked off the bus trying to cover up my bum by pulling down my oversized shirt. I saw everyone standing on the side of the road. Most of the boys were in their boxers, Emy was fully clothed. When I saw Tegan coming off the bus, I couldn't help but burst out laughing. She looked frazzled with her hair all messy, using a tiny blanket to try to cover up her body; she was only in a bra and underwear.

SARA POV

Someone woke me up, and told me to get off the bus immediately. I was still half asleep and trying to figure out what was going on. I hopped out of my bunk, realizing that I had no clothes on, not having time to put clothes on, I grabbed my blanket and walked off the bus, so unbelievably embarrassed. Ted whistled at me, the boys were smiling at me, Tegan too, and Emy was holding in laughter.

"You guys are terrible!" I said. I scrunched my body down, almost kneeling on the grass so the blanket covered my whole body.

"Hey, I'm in my underwear too!" Johnny lifted his arms out to emphasize the obvious fact that he was only wearing boxers.

"It's not the same!"

"Oh come on, it's not like we've never seen a girl in her underwear, it's no big deal, but here, you can wear this." Shaun took off his shirt and handed it to me, I thanked him greatly. I gave him my blanket so he wouldn't freeze.

TEGAN POV

Apparently, when the bus hit that big bump, the gas tank for the stove burst, releasing gas throughout the bus. If we would have stayed in there for another hour or two, we would of all died in our sleep from breathing in the air, not to mention the fact that if even the littlest spark of fire of any sort would blow up the entire bus.


	26. Chapter 25

**AUTHORS NOTE: Sorry for the short chapter! I've written the whole story already and to make it last longer I'm dividing the chapters shorter **

TEGAN POV

We've been outside for about an hour now. It was absolutely freezing outside, probably only 40 degrees. Everyone was shivering, teeth chattering. A van came and picked us up, while the tour bus got towed away, and brought the band to the hotel they were staying at. Emy, Sara and I were going back to my house. Emy was leaving to go back to Montreal for her break, so Sara and I had my apartment alone.

Sara and I dragged ALL of our stuff that was inside the gas-infested bus into my apartment. I haven't been here in 2 months. When I unlocked my door and stepped inside, It was freezing

"Holy Hell, its fuckin' freezing in here Tee!"

"Did you just say 'holy hell'?"

"Why yes, I did."

"Damn, it is cold in here."

I walked over to my thermostat, 54 degrees. Sara sat down on the couch, after I adjusted the temperature to a perfect 72 degrees, I sat down right next to her.

"So…what do you want to do today?" I asked her

"Clean. Your apartment is a dusty, dirty mess." Sara said standing up.

"That's not what I had in mind…" I told her, pulling her back down to the couch, then kissed her.

"Nope! Tegan c'mon, how can you even function with all this mess?"

"I can function quite properly, actually."

"Well I can't" Sara went to the closet, pulled out the vacuum and wheeled it over to me.

"After you're done vacuuming, you can wipe down all the tables."

"Saaaaaraaa! I hate cleaning. I'm not going to." I know I was being stubborn, but I truly did hate cleaning.

Sara grabbed my face and kissed me hard, holding the kiss for a little while, then retracted, leaving me wanting more.

"Yes, you will" She said, seductively.

"Yes master." I gave in

"But- I hate vacuuming. Can I do something else instead?" I asked

"hmm…clean the kitchen. I mean clean, no shoving items in drawers, clean. Sparkling clean. Got it?"

The kitchen wasn't even that messy, so I gave in, and got to work.


	27. Chapter 26

SARA POV

As Tegan cleaned the kitchen, I vacuumed living room, and the hallway leading into her bedroom. I haven't really ever gone in her room that many times, maybe once or twice, and I can't even remember what it looks like. I opened the door and proceeded to vacuum while scanning the room over with my eyes. The walls were a light brown, almost like the color of coffee. Her room would seem quite ordinary, but the giant bed that sat in the middle glorified the room with its mahogany headboard, and bright white fluffy blankets and sheets. Her room was pretty messy, with clothes all over the place. I shut off the vacuum and began to pick up the dirty clothes, throwing them into her laundry basket. I picked up countless numbers of socks, and underwear. Seeing the various styles got me imagining what she looked like in them, getting me hotter by the minute. I quickly hurried my picking up process, and when I was finished with that, I started to vacuum her hardwood floors, preparing them so I could mop. Tegan stood in the doorway, and leaned her body on the frame of the door.

"I'm done!" She smiled excitedly.

"Not quite," I motioned my head to her bathroom that was in her bedroom

"Just do the bathroom and we'll call it quits."

"Oh c'mon Sara!"

"Don't get sassy with me now young lady, you do what I say."

Tegan groaned and walked out of the room, and came back holding a spray can of disinfectant, and a rag, gave me a dirty look (teasingly) then proceeded to go into the bathroom. I went over to the bed, and began to make it, listening to the hissing of the spray can Tegan was cleaning with. I longed to just stop everything I was doing to lay in its cloud like glory, the thought of doing so made me so very tired. After I finished I walked into the bathroom, and wrapped my arms around Tegan's waist, who was wiping down the inside of the sink.

"Hi." I said, placing kisses on her neck

"Hi." She responded, in a monotone voice

I turned her body around and kissed her passionately, but she then broke away from it.

"What's wrong?" I asked

"I'm not in the mood anymore." She took my hands off her hips and started to walk away

"Oh come on, you were an hour ago, how can you not be now?" I said, pulling her back to me.

TEGAN POV

I began to walk away, but Sara grabbed my arm, turning me around grabbing my waist, pulling me back into her body, like we were before.

"Sara I don't want to!" I grabbed her hips and tried to push myself off of her, but her hold on me was much stronger and she roughly kissed me, and wouldn't let go. I tried my hardest not to give in and kiss her back, but she just makes it so hard not to, so I caved. To prove I was pissed at her for making me want her, I shoved her into the nearest wall and took her bottom lip in between my teeth and bit at it. She retaliated my shoving me back into the opposite wall. We pinballed out of the bathroom, taking off all our clothes in the process and made our way to my bed Sara just made. It was a battle of dominance; we both were trying to take control each other. I got to admit, Sara almost had me for a while there, but I managed to pin her down by her wrists, so I was on top.

"Haha, gotcha. I won." I sneered

Sara moved her head up and kissed my stomach lightly, which tickled me, making me vulnerable. In a second, she was on top of me, pinning me the same way I pinned her before.

"Not quite" She said, smirking.

"No fair!" I tried budging my way out, but she sucked on the sensitive skin of my neck, my weak spot. My body eased up on the tension, Sara let go of the grip on my wrists when she noticed this, and made her way down to the hem of my jeans, and pulled them off, along with my underwear. My hands gripping the sheets, biting my lip, as she worked her magic on me with her mouth.


	28. Chapter 27

SARA POV

The sound of Tegans little moans fuelled my fire as I worked on taming hers. I brought my body up, wrapping my legs around hers so our pussies were in contact. I met my mouth with her open mouth as we grinded our hips together. Tegan retracted her face from mine to take a breather, breathing heavily, chest moving frantically up and down. When she caught her breath, she grabbed my face, and kissed me more deeply, forcing our tongues to battle more intensely, and thrusted her hips harder, grinding our pussies together faster than before, increasing the pleasure. As we hit our synchronized orgasms, our mouths hung open, still attached breathing and whining with pleasure in them as we slowed down our thrusting, until we stopped all together. I rolled off her body, laying on my back next to her. "Victory is mine!" I quietly shouted, then rolled on my side to face her. She mimicked my position. "Yup, you defeated me," She inched her face forward and kissed me. The loud vibration of a phone jerked us apart, I flinched and almost fell off the bed, but caught myself before I could.

"Is that my phone?" I asked

"Mines not on vibrate," She responded

I got up, and quickly fumbled to find my pants, which held my phone. I fished my blackberry out of the pocket and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sara,"

"Hi Emy,"

"What are you and Tegan doing? Not killing each other I hope…"

"Ha-ha, funny. I've actually kept Tegan busy by making her help me in cleaning her pigsty of an apartment."

"Tegan cleaning? I can't imagine that. Well I have to go, my taxi's here, I'll call you later, love you bye!"

"Bye Emy!" I hung up.

I went into my suitcase and fished out a clean pair of underwear and a baggy night shirt, and walked out of the bedroom to find Tegan in her kitchen standing in front of the stove cooking something in a white tanktop and black boy short underwear.

"Whatcha makin' there?"

"Grilled cheese, and macaroni and cheese." She responded, while shaking a box of macaroni.

"Wow, what's up with all the cheese, and are those Mickey Mouse shaped macaroni?" I asked , taking the macaroni box and examining it.

"Yup. Keeping it classy."

I fished her refrigerator for something to drink; the only things so had was tea, and a bottle of wine in the way back. I grabbed the wine.

"Yeeeeaahhhh look what I found!" I triumphed while pulling out the bottle cork. I opened a bunch of cupboards searching for wine glasses, when I found the right cupboard, I pulled out two glasses, and poured some in one glass, and started to in the other.

"Woah, I'm not having any of that." She said, as she flipped the grilled cheese on the stove

"What? Why?"

"Need I remind you what happened the last time I drank?" she said looking over her shoulder at me,

"Oh. Still, its only one little glass. You had like 5 tequila shots that night, you'll be fine. Don't be a party pooper Tee,"

She snatched the glass that was meant to be mine and took a sip of it. She made a disgusted face.

"Yech, this wine sucks." She said, setting the glass down

I picked up the same glass and tested it. I also made a face

"Ew, you're right."

Tegan and I ate, then I sat down on her couch and turned on the tv and flicked through the channels while she cleaned up.


	29. Chapter 28

TEGAN POV

I washed our plates and sat down on the couch really close to Sara.

"You smell like bleach," She scooted away from me

"Oh, thanks. I'm going to go hop in the shower then."

"Kay,"

I grabbed a towel from my small closet in the hallway, realizing that I didn't have much left. _'bout time I do some laundry,_ I walked into my bathroom , the smell of bleach smacking me in the face and filled my nostrils. That's another reason I hate cleaning. I turned on the shower, hoping the steam would take away the stench of bleach. It didn't, in fact, it worsened it, but I still took my time in the shower to make sure I got really clean. When I got out, Sara fell asleep on the couch. I walked up to her, the glare of the TV was flickering across her skin as I nudged her and woke her up.

"C'mon, let's go to bed." I grabbed her hand and pulled her up, walking her to my bedroom

I climbed into bed, Sara following suit and laid across from me, each facing each other. She gave me a tired gummy smile and snuggled her face into my blankets

"You're bed feels like a cloud, so comfy." Her voice was muffled by the pillow that her face was in.

"Damn right it's comfy, I spent almost a whole tour's worth paycheck on this thing." I said, scooting closer to her, attempting to cuddle.

"Tee,"

"Yeah?" I asked, knowing that she was going to object to my cuddling.

"You know I like my space while I sleep," She responded

"Ughhhhhh, you suck." I groaned, scooting away. I turned off the light and slept at the end of the bed, back turned to her.

"Tee?"

I didn't respond

"Tegan"

I still didn't respond

"C'mon don't be like this; you know I need my space."

"I'm not being like anything; I'm just tryin' to sleep here."

"Okay, 'night"

The room went silent for a while, and I drifted off to sleep.

**4AM**

I woke up with a jolt, I had one of those dreams where I was falling, and just when my body was going to smack and collide with the pavement, I woke up. It was still dark out, so I assumed it was the middle of the night. I looked over at Sara; she was still sleeping, sprawled out with her limbs tossed carelessly around her body. I scooted closer to her, and placed my head on top of her stomach; breaking the no cuddling rule. She stirred in her sleep, my body froze, thinking she would wake up and push me off, but instead she placed a hand on top of my head, and the other on my back. I knew I wasn't going to go back to sleep, I was wide awake. So I spent my time enjoying this rare moment that I get with Sara, happy that I'm doing exactly what I've spent most of my life longing, desiring to do.

SARA POV

My eyes opened when the room brightened itself with sunshine. I looked over to Tegans side of the bed and found that she wasn't there. I looked down, and saw her scrunched up into the side of my waist, obviously breaking the 'I need my space' rule. I chuckled at how funny and small she looked. I had the overwhelming need to go to the bathroom, so I did. When I was done, I ran back into Tegan's room and jumped onto the bed. Tegan stirred.

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"

"errrrr no." She grumbled.

"C'mon Tee," I said, snuggled up to her face, repeatedly kissing her cheek quickly.

She groaned, trying to break away from my kisses.

"Oh, so now you _**don't **_want to cuddle?"

"I want to sleep."

"You don't need to sleep.''

"But sleep is good," She said, finally sitting up.

"What time is it?" She asked

I grabbed my phone that was on the nightstand.

"9:48"

She got up, and walked out of the room, I followed.

"So what are you going to do today?" I asked

She opened up her fridge, then her pantry.

"Well, we need to go grocery shopping. All I have is cheese and cheap wine. Then, Mum wants to see us, so we'll take the bus to her house."

"Okay, I love grocery shopping. When do we want to go?"

"We'll go as soon as you're ready."

"Alright, I'm going to take a quick shower, though."


	30. Chapter 29

TEGAN POV

After Sara took a shower, we went to a coffee shop, where Sara got coffee, and now we were currently at the grocery store. I was examining the contents on the shelf in one of the aisles. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sara put something in the cart, I looked over at her to see what it was. It was a box of goldfish crackers. She looked at me and put another box in cautiously. I nodded, still keeping eye contact with her. She then reached and tried to put another in while still looking at me.

"Sara, you don't need 3 boxes of goldfish." I chuckled

"Oh I know, I just wanted to see how many boxes you'd let me put in the cart." She giggled.

"Someone's in a peppy mood today." I said as I pushed the cart in the next aisle, watching her bounce into the aisle with me.

"Coffee!" She said raising her giant cup

"It's almost gone" She said to me, making a sad face "I want more"

"I think you've had enough caffeine for today."

"Nope! I don't think I have, I'll get decaf"

After the checkout, we took our groceries back to the apartment. We then unloaded the groceries and walked the distance to the bus. The bus dropped us off 10 minutes walking distance from Mum's house, so we had to walk there. On the way there I was crackin' jokes making Sara (who has already had way too much caffeine, and was drinking more,) laugh really hard. We walked up the steps to the house, and rang the doorbell

"Okay Sara, we need to calm down, act normal." I told her

"Okay, I got this. We got this."

"Hi girls! Oh my goodness, yay! You're here!" Mum said pulling us inside

SARA POV

At mums house, we talked and helped her in the kitchen as she made dinner. She invited our Aunt and other close relatives, talking and drinking wine. We then had dinner, where I drank my 3rd glass of Merlot, its softness made it easier to drink, so the alcohol didn't seem to be having any effect on me. Until it was time to leave, where I was forced to walk.


	31. Chapter 30

**This is it folks! I'd like to thank you for reading my extremely cheesy and dramatic story. Although I'm done with this story, I've been working on some others, so stick around! **

TEGAN POV

We said our goodbyes, and walked out the door. Sara was pretty drunk, I only had a small glass. We had to walk the distance to the bus stop, Sara was having difficulty.

"Jeez Sara, why the hell did you drink so much?" I scolded

"It's Merlot, I couldn't tell how much alcohol was in it." She said, interlocking her arm with mine, balancing and hanging onto it as we walked.

My mood turned to shit, but I didn't show it. It's never fun when someone else is having fun drunk and you're sitting here being the Sober Sally.

When we got into the apartment, I went into my bedroom and changed into 'pajamas' and sat in my bed and read. I had no idea where Sara was, or what she was doing. Until she barged into my room, and plopped onto my bed, breaking the peaceful barrier of my room.

"Hi" She said, smiling at me

"Hi."

"Whatcha readin'"

"A book"

She sat in silence for awhile, eyes wondering around my room

"Your room is very comfortable."

"My _room_?" I said, thinking she meant my bed

"Yeah. The colors, the lighting of your lamp. It's very warm and cozy. And it smells like cinnamon apples."

"Oh," I said, Turning off the light, settling in to go to sleep.

"Tegan,"

"Sara, I'm trying to sleep."

We sat in silence for awhile

"What made you so sad for so long?"

I turned around, facing Sara.

"All I ever wanted was to spend my time with you. I knew it was impossible, that your feelings would never reciprocate with mine. I knew that I would never find someone who would ever even be close to compare to you, because you're the only one that would feed my heart everything it needed. Knowing that I couldn't have you was the only thing that my brain knew; it blocked out all my other thoughts, and screamed all the bad ones. I would never have you."

She leaned in, and kissed me. I kissed back with all the passion and love that was inside of me.

"Everything's okay now" I said.

And that's how it stayed. As Sara and I continued to spend our lives playing music, we continued to love each other, knowing that the only other person who could make each other truly happy was one another.


End file.
